Tag: community

The Unfolding of the Ultimate Story

There has been a great wrestling going on in my soul.

Truth vs. feelings, hope vs. grief.

Even after writing such a hope-filled post, Restored Before the Face of God, there are moments when the grief and loss drown out hope.

My brain is still trying to wrap around the tragedy while my heart feels the great loss. Last week I sat in my home in Mississippi and watched the procession and funeral taking place in India. It was dark here while India had already moved on to the next day.

I watched men place their caskets into ambulance-type vehicles while people around them sang in their language. The video showed huge banners with their pictures covering each vehicle. As I read the quote on each banner, the wrestling within me intensified.

“My purpose in life is to serve the Lord by serving among His people and taking care of their health needs (in India).” – Sharron Naik

“I want to be a minister back in my country (India), like my dad and serve my Nation.” – Aaron Naik

“I want to go back to India and be involved with the law/politics and I want to spend my time defending the truth of Christianity and the Bible.” – Joy Naik

The wrestling grows stronger because I desperately want this tragedy to make sense. But nothing about this adds up. These three loved the Lord and had plans to go back to India to serve Him. They were part of the Banjara people group, a group where less than 1% are Christians. If we are talking about progress in spreading the Gospel, doesn’t it make more sense to have them alive, telling others about Christ? Were their hopes and dreams just a waste?

I know that I’m not the only one who is wrestling deep within. We live in a broken world and we all have circumstances in our lives where things don’t makes sense. Where 1+1=3 no matter how much we try to figure it out. In all the tears, the heart-wrenching wails, the fists clenched in anger, our soul wrestling comes down to one question:

What kind of God are You?

There.

I said it.

This is a question we might whisper over a coffee conversation with our closest friend, but we’d never ask it out loud at church. People typically don’t like questions like this, because it feels wrong to question God.

But I think God loves it when we ask this question.

When we get down to the rock-bottom, nitty-gritty and finally ask this question it is because all the things we’ve been leaning on, all the ideas we’ve created about God, have FAILED. It means that the god we’ve created in our image, the god that we work to please in hopes that he will love us or at least answer our prayers is POWERLESS. It means that, maybe for the first time, we are actually seeking God for who He says He is.

As we seek Him we can ask ALL the questions we need to ask. I have found that God doesn’t really match my “whys” with reasons. Instead He shows me more of who He is. Through my grief He shows me that He is the God of all comfort, that He really is near to the brokenhearted and is gentle with those who are hurting. He meets my needs, showing me that He provides for His children.

How do we seek God? Where can we find a clear picture of who He is and what He is like? We can find Him in the Word, because it contains His words to us about Himself. And through the Word made flesh, because Jesus shows us what God is like.

At Sharron, Aaron, and Joy’s funeral, Ravi Zacharias described God’s compassion through Jesus when He raised Lazarus from the dead.

“Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, and yet He stood in front of that tomb and wept. Why? Why did the Lord of Glory and the Lord of hope shed those tears? Because He knew what you and I would feel at the loss of a loved one, having to wait over a period of time before we would see the ultimate story revealed. He knew the pain that you and I would endure.”

Because of His compassion, God can strengthen and sustain us in our grief. “We have a suffering Savior, a wounded Savior, and for the wounded heart, the wounded Savior is the best answer, the best source of sustenance” (Ravi Zacharias)

Dr. Zacharias goes on to describe Jesus feeling abandoned by God when He was on the cross. “At the very moment He thought He was abandoned and forsaken, He was actually in the center of His Father’s Will, providing for you and for me, so that the greater death – which is spiritual death – would not be that which we endure.”

The very depth of Christ’s sufferings was the way that the Ultimate Story could happen. His suffering opened the way for our redemption and our eternal life with God, instead of eternal death removed from God.

“His Word abides forever and pulls the whole story together and all of the threads that may look desperate- it brings them together to a perfect design that He had in mind. Your young, precious children, Sharron, Joy, and Aaron. The threads were in God’s Hand, every day designed for them was already written in the Book before it ever came to be. He gave you the joy of having them for those few years. Three precious gems. They are now in the Presence of the Lord laying their treasures at His feet.” (Ravi Zacharias)

Hearing the truth proclaimed at the funeral service didn’t answer all my questions, but it did calm some of the wrestling as it brought my eyes back to God’s character, His love, and His perspective. His Ultimate Story is written in love with one goal in mind – bringing people into relationship with Himself. This tragedy, this loss, will be redeemed into a powerful, beautiful chapter as His story unfolds.

Fighting For Hope Through Waves of Grief

Missing Robert

Grief is a tricky beast. It hides and makes you think you’ve “dealt”, you’ve “moved on”, and then it hits out of nowhere like a tsunami on a sunny day.

We don’t talk about him very much, but we miss him.

I miss the way he said “Well, hello there!” when he called around this time each year to get ideas for the kids’ Christmas presents.

Over the past 2 years, there have been plenty of What ifs, plenty of What could have been done conversations, but the bottom line is that while he didn’t  he make the choice to die from his drug use, he made the decision to use drugs.

He made the decision to refuse help. “No program is going to help me,” he said, and that is when I knew he had decided to stop fighting for hope.

It was a decision that defied logic. He had been clean for years, so many years that my children only knew the fun Uncle Robert.

The Uncle Robert who helped them catch fireflies in the summer and who shot a zillion fireworks with them on New Year’s Eve.

It was a decision that led down a dark path, a path filled with cover-ups, half truths, and out right lies.

It was a decision that robbed us of our brother, friend, uncle, and son.

It was also a decision borne out of a daily battle to stay on the right path, a million unseen, un-applauded decisions made over the years of being sober. A battle he fought on his own.

He didn’t have to fight alone. We, his family, would have loved to celebrate victories with him. We would have loved to applaud his successes.

But we didn’t see the burden he carried until it was too late.

By the time we saw, his mind had already been turned upside down. By then, he had bought the lie that our words of hope and encouragement hid ulterior motives and that his drug dealer friends were the only ones who could be trusted.

Isn’t that  the biggest twist of irony?

The people cooking the poison that killed him had convinced him that he was no longer alone because they had rescued him when no one else would.

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. That is the game plan he followed with Robert, and the story he seeks to write for all of us through all kinds of addictions. If our enemy can keep our focus on numbing the pain in our life, he keeps our focus off of living the life we were meant to live.

Life that gives hope, that looks forward to the future, that believes that  change is  possible.

So many of Robert’s years were marked by his struggle, but that struggle was not who he  was. He was self-less to a fault, fun to be around, and he loved his kids. That’s the legacy I choose to remember.

At the same time, I can’t ignore his last months and days. They are filled with somber warning. They remind me that when I listen to the lies of the dark, when I give in to my own struggles and try to numb out,  I am one decision away from stepping on the same path that stole him from us.

 

 

 

 

 

Helping Others Fight for Hope

I am excited to have Stefani Carmichael as a guest today. Not only is Stefani is one of the Hope Warriors in  my life, she is also a Hope Warrior in the lives of the teen girls that live  in her dorm.

She is gifted at helping the girls see the lies that they are  believing, and encouraging  them to replace those lies with truth. For some of these girls, she is the first person in their lives to teach them how to fight for hope, especially when their  circumstances feel hopeless.

Stefani also blogs at  heartsoulstrengthandmind.com , so be sure to jump over to her site and check it out.

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Helping Others Fight for Hope 

What is harder than being in a black hole?

Harder than being in the middle of a fog in your life and not seeing your way out?

In my experience, the only thing harder than that is seeing those you love sink down into that pit and knowing you cannot pull them out.  

Recognizing that you cannot pull someone out of the pit is really the first step of being able to help them. I learned this the hard way. If you will expend all your energy trying to pull them out, you might get pulled into it in the process.  

At the same time, you can help someone who needs hope. You cannot force them to have hope. You can’t manhandle them into feeling better.

You can inspire, encourage, and support them in their fight. You are not Rocky Balboa, you are one of those in his corner.  

I am approaching this topic with lessons I have learned through experience. In the process of gaining experience we often make mistakes along the way, and I certainly have. When I write about what not to do, it’s because I have probably done it at some point in my life. I hope anytime I have made mistakes in this area, that those battling with me will extend me grace and understand the heart I have had to help.   

It would be incredibly difficult to help someone fight for hope if you have never been in a situation in which you felt hopeless. I imagine we have all been to that place, but if such a time doesn’t come to mind, you might first want to take a step back and remember.

When you remember the weight of your own battle, you will be better equipped to support someone in their own time of need.  

This time of remembering prepares you to listen.   

This sounds easy, but Iistening well is often the hardest part. When someone you love is in a pit, you want so much for them to be out and back to normal. You may be tempted to think you know what is wrong and just jump to solutions. Don’t.  

You may even know what they need to do. You may even understand. But telling them is not going to get them where they need to be. Because someone who is hopeless is not going to automatically believe you know what you are talking about and can help them.

From their perspective, there is no way out.

From their perspective, things could probably not look any bleaker.

For them to listen to any suggestions or advice, they first have to know you understand the serious position they are in. You show them this by intently listening to them, rephrasing what they have said to make sure you really do understand.  

This process is also essential, because you may not understand as much as you think you do. You may have experienced a similar situation, but that doesn’t mean that your pain is the same as their pain.  

There is no timeline for how long you stay in this stage with someone. There may be a lot of listening involved with some people before they believe you understand.  

It may take one conversation or several before you get to the point to move forward. 

When you understand well, it is time to share. The point of sharing is not to say, “That’s nothing, look at all I have been through.” Its not to compare pain. If it comes off looking this way to the person who is struggling, it will do more harm than good.

The point of sharing is to let the other person know you also have suffered in your life, and while it may have been a very different situation, you found your way out of the suffering.  

This is the point where you can begin to offer hope. 

The hope comes in the message that if you walked through the blackness and found yourself back in the light, against all appearances, they also can find themselves in the light again.  

This doesn’t have to come from just your story. The Bible is full of stories of those who were in seemingly hopeless situations, sometimes for a very long time, before God’s deliverance.  

The stories of Abraham, Joseph, the Israelites in the wilderness, Ruth, Esther, Nehemiah, and countless others attest to incredibly bleak situations that did not remain bleak.

God’s word provides encouragement to those who are in the middle of dark places. These stories entailed long periods of difficulty and do not look anything like the band-aid fixes people often offer those in the middle of serious struggles.

People in the middle of difficulty don’t need to be led into a false hope that everything will change quickly. They need a surer hope that keeps them moving when they do not see the end of their struggle in sight.

They need the hope of a 75-year-old Abraham who still doesn’t have the child of promise and won’t for over 20 more years. They need the hope of Joseph whose troubles did not end with his promotion as a slave, or even when the chief cupbearer was restored to his position. They need the hope of Esther who saw a 360 degree change from complete despair to rejoicing overnight.  

Point them to the Hope-Giver 

All these stories offer hope because situations changed dramatically. Dark situations are so pivotal, because in the middle of them we can give ourselves over to despair if we let ourselves.

The stories above do not simply offer hope because they show that we might find our situation change if we just keep going. They offer hope because the people in these situations have a relationship with the Hope-Giver.

The God who we can trust, who has the power to change things for our good gives hope, because he is the only one who can really change our darkest situations.  

At the beginning, I wrote how understanding that you can’t pull someone out of their dark pit is essential in offering hope. But, it is also essential to understand that God can.

God is fully able to change things. And he gives promises to do just that. When a fellow brother or sister in Christ is in the pit, you can offer hope-giving promises to them.  

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 

This verse is used so much for a very good reason. It has inspired people in their darkest hours for centuries. If you love God, this verse is a message of hope for you. Its not a band-aid to stick on a problem. It shouldn’t be thrown to someone before you have sat with them in their grief. All of Romans 8 is an encouragement to those who suffer deeply. If you read it through in entirety you see in verse 38 that this promise meant for the most difficult of situations: 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38 

We are hearing this from a man who is currently under house arrest, has faced beatings and being pelted with stones. He has survived a shipwreck and has a perpetual “thorn in the flesh.” Paul knows suffering when he writes this.  

Do something Tangible 

God’s sovereignty is a huge comfort, but it is not an excuse for inaction. You know you can’t lift someone from their pit, but you can help.

The good Samaritan did not pass by, and if our heart is aligned with God’s heart, neither will we.  

Pray and ask God to show you what you can do in the person’s situation. It may be as small as flowers, or as big as getting church leaders involved to help someone financially beyond what you are capable. Sometimes there are actions we can do to help another significantly in their distress. While you don’t want to enable destructive patterns, there is a time and place for significant help. 

Tangible assistance can also be things that help with their mental battle—these things need not be physical. Perhaps they are believing lies that are destructive. Have them write them out on paper, and then work with them to change each lie to a true statement that offers hope.  

Walk with them  

Finally, stay in the picture. Hope warriors are in a battle.  Don’t just show up for the first round of the fight, stick around to see the victory.

They may need help planning steps in the right direction. Have them write out their goals and see if there are proactive steps they can take now to move in that direction. Help them plan those steps in, and cheer for them when they get past an obstacle or do something that leads them in the right direction.  

There will be days when they will struggle again. They will need fresh encouragement along the way. We are all works in progress, but thankfully God’s work in us will one day be complete.  

Pray 

Throughout the entire process, pray. God is the one who can change things. He is the one who can give hope. He is the one who can give wisdom both to you and to the one struggling. Cry out to him, and rely on the promises he gives to his children.  

 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31 

 

Stefani Carmichael is an author, counselor, wife, daughter, mom and houseparent of teenage girls. She blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com 

 

Reaching Out and Fighting Doubt

If God’s vision for the helpless includes you and me, where do we even begin?

Let’s start with those doubting thoughts niggling away in your mind. I know, I had them too.  But God placed a child  and her adoptive process right in front of me.  I wanted to be involved, and God wanted me to wade through these doubts and watch Him provide.

Doubt #1:  If I can’t solve the problem, why even try?  I wrote about wrestling with this question in the post Stretching Out a Hand of Relief. 

Doubt #2:  It’s such a big problem. 153 millions orphans! What can one person do to make a difference? Not much on their  own.  But one person can join with others who are reaching out by:

Supporting Organizations Reaching Out To Orphans & Children in Difficult Situations

Heritage Ukraine – Odessa, Ukraine

Read more about the amazing ministry of Heritage Ukraine in the post

Heritage Ukraine: A Light in Dark Places

Hispanola Mountain Ministries – Haiti and the Dominican Republic

French Camp Academy – French Camp, MS

Sponsoring Children in Difficult Situations

Hope for the Fatherless– Ethiopia

Compassion International

Cross Mountain Mission Legacy Centers – Nicaragua

Providing funding for homes for orphans who are too old to live in the orphanage.

Orphan Mission Transition Homes – Ukraine

Jeremiah’s Hope – Hope Market

Considering adoption

 Walking beside a family in the adoption process.

  The adoption process is filled with mountains of paperwork, moments of doubt, and uncertainty that all will work out. An adoptive family needs a network of friends who will pray for them, encourage them, and help them raise the necessary finances.

This post tells the story of an adoption process our family was incredibly blessed to be a part of:  FIshes, Loaves, and Cookie Dough

 

God’s Vision for their Future

Day 7

God’s Vision for The Helpless

It is dangerous to our comfort zones to pray about something that is close to God’s heart, to use God’s Word to remind Him of what He has said He would do for the helpless.

Stepping into the brokenness of the world is not meant to be comfortable. It will stretch us and test our faith, but it is what we are called to do.

When we plead with God to remember His promises to be a helper to the helpless, a father to the fatherless and a refuge to the oppressed, we just may hear a still, small voice asking us, Will you be the way I keep my promises?

His vision for the helpless includes you and me.

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their afflictions, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (James 1:27)

The concept of visiting in James 1:27 is the idea of helping, of stretching out a hand of relief. What will this look like? The answer to that question is as varied as our gifts and abilities.

It may be helping with physical needs, encouraging through notes and birthday cards, prayer, through giving financially, or a combination of these.

When we answer God’s invitation to become part of His plan of redeeming the brokenness, acknowledging His sovereignty means that we listen for His voice and follow His leading. The more our view and vision matches with God’s, the more we will see His hand at work.

Because of God’s sovereignty, we don’t have to feel rushed, or desperate or pressured.  We can prayerfully and purposefully respond to the needs He places in front of us.

As we follow God’s leading to reach out to the helpless, we can pray that through the twists and turns in their life, they will see their need for Him, and that, one day, they will see Him face to face.

What limitations come to mind when you think about stepping into the brokenness of our world? What do these verses say about God’s limitations?

Jeremiah 32:17,27

Job 42:2

1 Corinthians 2:9

2 Corinthians 9:8

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We’ve made it to Day 7, but there ‘s more!  Check back tomorrow for a bonus Day 8: How Could I Make A Difference? I’m Only One Person.

Don’t want miss out on any of the fighting-for-hope encouragement that goes on around here? Sign up for our mailing list in the sidebar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting Involved in Orphan Care

Suffering & God’s Sovereignty

♥ ♥ Day 6 ♥ ♥

 

God’s view of suffering

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”  

 

Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:1-3)

In His Sovereignty, God gave this man the condition of blindness at birth. He was unable to change his situation without God’s direct intervention.

In the suffering we see and experience, we don’t have Jesus standing there, explaining the purpose for the suffering.  In fact, in the moment, it is very hard to see how suffering can bring God glory.

 In Growing Your Faith, Jerry Bridges sums up three truths God’s Word teaches us about God and our adversities in this way:

God is completely sovereign. God is infinite in wisdom. God is perfect in love.  God in His love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom, He always knows what is best. And in His sovereignty, He has the power to bring it about.

These assurances can change the way we react to suffering. They give us the ability to look for evidence of God working in the darkness. They give us confidence to pray God’s words back to Him.

We can respectfully say, “Your Word says that You are the helper of the fatherless. It says that You have not forsaken the needy.” And we can pray for God to act.

In His Sovereignty He places each of us right where we are.

In His Sovereignty He uses suffering in our stories to bring us to Himself.

What is God’s view of suffering? What is His goal?

Romans 8:28

Psalm 40:1-3

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Romans 5:1-11

James 1:2-4

1 Peter 1:3-7

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This is Day 6 of The Hope of the Helpless, a 7-day devotional I wrote as a guide for praying for orphans.

The Hope of the Helpless walks us through God’s heart for the  helpless, His vision for their future, and His gracious invitation to join Him in caring for them.

In honor of the International Day of Prayer for Orphans, I am posting a devotional from The Hope of the Helpless each day this week.

I am looking forward to your responses, to having real  conversations about orphan care, and to talking through your questions.

If you would like to receive these posts directly to your inbox, subscribe to my mailing list on the sidebar. 

 

 

 

Hearts that Hunger by Design

♥ ♥ Day 5 ♥ ♥

Hearts that Hunger By Design

At the core of our being is a desire to be connected, to be wanted, to be known. It is part of who we are because God put it there.

Sin entered the world and complicated things. Sin caused a breach in the close relationship God, Adam, and Eve shared. And today, our hearts yearn for that closeness.

People spend their lifetime searching for something to fulfill this need. But the only way it can be truly fulfilled is by the One who created us to enjoy that blessing. The One who formed our hearts is the only One who can fully answer its cry.

Psalm 65:5 describes God as the hope of all the ends of the earth. The word used for hope in this verse conveys the idea of a refuge, a safe place.

Being in relationship with God has blessings. In God’s family, we have a Redeemer (Proverbs 23:10-11). We have God’s commitment to save (Psalm 31:1). We have a refuge (Psalm 9:9-10).

The greatest need of the helpless is the same as ours – a relationship with God.

What does God do on behalf of those who are His? 

Psalm 31:19

Psalm 18:1-19, 25-35

Psalm 107:6

Psalm 33:13-15

Psalm 72:12-14

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Isaiah 43:1-4

Isaiah 41:10

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This is Day 5 of The Hope of the Helpless, a 7-day devotional I wrote as a guide for praying for orphans.

The Hope of the Helpless walks us through God’s heart for the  helpless, His vision for their future, and His gracious invitation to join Him in caring for them.

In honor of the International Day of Prayer for Orphans, I am posting a devotional from The Hope of the Helpless each day this week.

I am looking forward to your responses, to having real  conversations about orphan care, and to talking through your questions.

If you would like to receive these posts directly to your inbox, subscribe to my mailing list on the sidebar. 

 

Hope>Fear

One of the Hope Warriors in my life gave me a tea towel with these words to keep in my kitchen.  Each time I see it, these words remind me that fear doesn’t have to have the final say. These words help me see the fear in my life for what it is. And they give me courage to keep fighting for hope.

Since there seems to be plenty of fear going around these days, I wanted to drag fear out into the light where we can really look at it.

Here’s the skinny on fear vs. hope:

Fear chokes out hope.

Fear screams and calls for immediate, desperate action. Fear makes us think we are alone, without help, and ultimately without hope. Fear paints the future in total darkness. It is like a tornado, loud and destructive, throwing debris in every direction. As long as the tornado is there, no one can reach out to help, no one can be heard over the noise, and everyone gets hurt.

Hope removes fear.

Hope is something else entirely. Hope starts out quiet, sometimes as a small spark. The presence of hope can dissipate  the fear-tornado so that healing can take place.

Fear isolates. 

It whispers in the darkness “You are alone. No one will help you.” It covers us with shame to keep us bound in addictions. It makes us think no other marriage has struggled like ours, no other person has had dark thoughts like these. It whispers lies to keep us from coming into the light.

Hope builds community.

When we surround ourselves with people who fight for hope, we hear these beautiful words, “You are not alone. I am with you.” They remind us of truth, which brings us into the light. And Hope Warriors lovingly help us let go of the lies we’ve believed for far too long.

Fear begets fear.

The more we surround ourselves with fearful thoughts, statements, and actions, the more fear will surround our hearts and paralyze us.

Hope begets courage.

Hope stirs a quiet, fierce strength inside us. Hope helps us believe the future could be good. When those around us are pointing us toward truth, we grow brave. When we point others toward truth, we grow strong.

Hope reminds us that change is possible. It reminds us that the last chapter has not been written, and that we hold the pen to begin a new chapter.

Hope is greater than fear.

 

 

 

Flowers From Tears

I am so excited to have Kristen Kelley as a guest today. Kristen shares her journey of fighting for hope in her book “A Letter in your Loss: Living Through the Sorrow of Miscarriage.”

The grief after a miscarriage is deep, private and, generally, not talked about. Kristen’s sincerity and empathy shine through her words. She doesn’t give short cuts for getting through the pain. Instead, she shares her own private, grief-filled thoughts. There are no “shoulds” in her book. Only a feeling that she is talking with you over a cup of coffee, giving hope that good will come, no matter how heavy the darkness feels. ❤️

Flowers from Tears

Last night, our youngest went on her first Daddy-Daughter Date. We have four girls, and it has been a toddler tradition for each of them.  I painted her little nails, let her wear ChapStick, and proceeded to make her hair all fancy by pinning braids to the top of her head and weaving in flowers from the front yard.  Things don’t always go smoothly around here, so after a quick battle with microscopic plant bugs, and an emergency hair-washing, we were back on track for “date night”.  Once in town, her Daddy now and then texted me photos of the sweet time they were having.  Charlotte’s precious little face, the orange, and yellow, and white in her hair, the sun beginning to set  . . . My heart felt so bittersweet.  Not only because our youngest is now officially out of diapers and in preschool, but because the flowers on this happy occasion were come-back blooms from Joshua’s memorial garden.

A year-and-a-half ago, God gave us a little life that we weren’t meant to keep for very long. At 5 months pregnancy with our 5th child, we learned that we had suffered what is known as a “missed miscarriage”.  Because we were induced into labor to deliver Joshua, the hospital sent us home with a bereavement folder . . . There was so little hope in that material; nothing for a person to truly cling to in their sorrow.  The months that followed were some of the darkest I’ve ever known, but God was the Healer of my heart.

You see, I knew the One Who could mend the broken pieces – I could go to God’s Word and to prayer for comfort – but what about those who don’t know the Lord?  What do they do when they’re going through the loss of a baby? And thus my heart burden for miscarriage ministry began.

I have always LOVED to write, and after our sorrowful delivery, I wrote a post on my devotional blog, just sharing our story and the goodness of God through the darkness. As a grieving mother, it was such a blessing to my heart to see God, over and over again, use our own testimony to help comfort others.

Last year, the day after Christmas, we learned that we had miscarried again. This time, we endured a hospital procedure known as a D&E.  There was no memorial box given.  No bereavement folder.  No support group information. But there was a very real need . . .There was a NEED for Christian writing on the subject of miscarriage, and through these new days of grief, God was working on my heart to play a part in it.

II Corinthians 1:3-4 “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort. Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

A group known as “The Guild of Baptist Writers” helped me through the editing and publishing process, and in March of this year, “A Letter in Your Loss” was officially in print.  With our personal stories, and Bible verses, and excerpts of hymns, it was designed to be a “letter” of comfort to other ladies going through a similar sorrow.

Since the book’s publication, God has been giving us divine encounters and open doors of opportunity I never could have foreseen. Sentara Rockingham Memorial Hospital allowed us to donate a year’s supply of books for their bereavement folders.  We were able to donate several copies to a local child loss support group known as “The Sadie Rose Foundation”.  I’ve reached out to several Facebook groups who sew “angel gowns” for baby funerals.  I’ve cried with mothers who miscarried within the week.  I’ve listened to the stories of mamas who said their goodbyes literally decades ago.  And I have continued to find hope in my Savior, one day at a time.

You see, the sorrow doesn’t ever completely go away, but the heart does heal. The anguish and the despair dissipate, as the comfort of God enters the soul.  And often, when we seek to be a blessing to others in their grief, it helps us to navigate through our own.  This wasn’t a ministry that I would have ever chosen for myself.  But it is one that God, in His infinite wisdom chose for me, and I am grateful for it.

In recent days, one of my favorite Bible verses has been Isaiah 61:2-3.

“ . . . to comfort all that mourn . . . to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.”

Flowers can spring from tears. God can take any level of sorrow and bring forth good.  He can bring beauty from ashes, and light from darkness.  And He can take any life and any death, and use it for His glory.

 

Kristen Kelley and her husband Brandon are missionaries to Southeast Asia. As a homeschooling mother of four little girls, Kristen thoroughly enjoys both writing and teaching. She loves hats and flowers, historical dramas and musicals, buttery popcorn and the smell of pages in a printed book. Her devotionals for ladies come from a sincere desire to help others in their walk with the Lord.

 

Connect with Kristen on her blog Dinner’s in the Oven.

Her book, A Letter In Your Loss, is sold on Amazon.  You can also hop over to my Hope Warrior’s Resources Page and clink on the link provided there.

 

Out of Darkness, Into the Light

The ever-growing list of men in the entertainment world being called out for sexual misconduct is staggering.

I know sexual misconduct is not new. As long as there have been men and women with dark hearts, there has been a misuse of sexuality. But the list coming out of Hollywood grows longer and longer, and as we sit on our couches watching the stories unfold, we might be tempted to say
How did they get there?

But the truth is, it’s not just in Hollywood.

Too many of us have the misuse of sexuality stamped on our own stories.

And yet the problem runs deeper than neglecting to treat others with respect. It runs deeper than not taking no for an answer. It runs deeper than giving other people the power to determine our worth.

The problem runs to the core of each one of us.

How did we get here?

We are here because we are a people who’ve forgotten.

We’ve forgotten that things done in private always become public. Thoughts lead to clicks, which leads to actions. Which leads to treating others as objects instead of real people.

Excessive shopping leads to maxed out credit cards.
Excessive gambling leads to financial ruin.

Excessive eating in private will show up in weight gain, insecurity, and the way we view ourselves.

There’s always a progression.

Matt Lauer didn’t just wake up one day as the host of the Today show making millions of dollars. His career grew step by step over years – small decisions led the way to big decisions. Just as his career grew step by step, his behavior did as well. A look here, a comment there, letting things go too far, whispers in the dark, led to his current state.

And Glee actor Mark Sally didn’t just wake up one morning with 30,000 pictures of child porn on his computer. It was a progression, one decision at a time, that led to darkness.

A drip that became a stream that grew into a dangerous, raging river.

These men are not alone in walking in darkness. We all have hidden  thoughts and actions that we’d never want brought into the light of day. And we stay in the dark, thinking that no one will ever know, because we’ve become a people who’ve forgotten.

We’ve forgotten that what we consume, consumes us.

If we fill our minds and lives with truth and light, that will consume us. And if we fill our lives with darkness, it will rot our souls.

We’ve forgotten that we weren’t made to live life in the dark.

We were created by the God of hope to live lives of hope. We were made for hope, yet we live in a very broken world, a world that brings pain into our lives.

Our steps into darkness often begin because we are trying to cope with this pain. What starts as a way to numb the pain, grows into a monster, trapping us and adding to our pain.

We feel pain on many different levels, and we work hard to keep from feeling it. We numb it by staying busy, binge-watching Netflix, eating, not eating, drinking alcohol, shopping, work, working out… really, the list is endless. We want to avoid pain so much that we even take good things and twist them to keep numb instead of stopping and looking our pain in the eye.

These ways of dealing with pain sabotage our fight for hope. They sap our strength, distort our view of reality, create a gap between who we are and who we want to be. These ways of dealing with pain keeps us low, vulnerable, and weak.

I have to admit, it’s a brilliant warfare strategy, perfected by the enemy of our souls. He wants to keep us from hope, because that’s where our strength lies. If we are too busy sabotaging our own fight for hope, then we’ll never reach out and encourage others to fight for hope. If he can convince us that we are alone in our struggle, that we are too far gone to change, that we are beyond hope, then he has won.

And the main problem with all this numbing that we do is this truth: We were not made to live life numb. We were made to push through the fear, look our pain square in the eye, and live life in full.

How can we change the tide? How can we become a people who remember who we are and what we were made for?

Truth helps us remember. I am convinced that a steady stream of truth running into our lives, our hearts, and our minds, each and every day, is the only way to combat the lies of our enemy. He has come to kill, steal, and destroy. He is the father of lies, and he whispers those lies to us as long as we will listen.

We begin with the truth about who we are, told by the God who made us and who loves us. As we begin listening to what God says about us, we will begin believing that we were made to walk in the light. And we will gain strength and courage and bring things hidden in the darkness into the light.

When things are kept in the dark, they are made stronger by shame and silence. But when things are brought into the light, healing can happen.

Being known helps us remember.

We are known – to our very core – by Jesus. Even before we know Him, He knows us. And He promises that we will not face our pain alone.

On the podcast This Good Word With Steve Wiens, Seth Haines says this on the episode called Inner Sobriety.

“The foundational question is, ‘Can I sit in my pain and feel it without needing to eat, drink, do whatever, look at porn? Can I sit in that pain, can I invite Christ into that pain and then can I cultivate a prayerful imagination of what it looks like for Christ to walk in that pain with me?’”

Can you imagine Jesus speaking into your pain?  What do you think He would say?

We are a people trapped in the darkness, in need of a rescue.

And through Jesus,  God has rescued us.

He rescued us from the power of darkness because He made us to live in the light. No matter who we are, no matter what we struggle with, we were made to live in the light.

Jesus stands with us when we face our pain. He also provides what we need to face our pain. We feel His love, hear His truth, through the actions of other people- broken, struggling people who are fighting for hope.

When we are hurting we tend to close off from others. Once again, that is exactly what our enemy wants. If we shut ourselves off he can joyfully whisper more lies.  You are alone, he will say. No one understands, no one cares.

But when Jesus sends people who are fighting for hope into our lives, something happens. Something that is beautiful and terrifying simultaneously.

We are known.

These people see us, really know us, still love us, and chase away the lies with His beautiful truth. We are known. We are loved. We are never, ever alone.

Jesus stepped from the perfection of heaven into the broken chaos of this world to walk with us – every single messy step – out of darkness, into the light.