brave – Erin Ulerich

Friendship, Fiction, and These Uncertain Times

Today I am THRILLED to welcome Weez Phillips, author of *The Lightest, Heaviest Things.*

The Lightest, Heaviest Things is a middle-grade fantasy about giants and healing rifts between worlds. In addition to giants, there is an adorable troll named Ull, magic, and two best friends who are figuring out the quest thing as they go. They do discover that snacks are very important while quest-ing.

As a parent, I love the way Weez portrays the relationship between the two friends. They are typical middle-grade girls, jumping to conclusions, doubting their own abilities, and assuming the other has the perfect life. Throughout the story, they grow, their friendship deepens, and they begin seeing life through the other’s eyes.

Weez agreed to share a few thoughts about the theme of friendship and the reaction of her characters to living during uncertain times, two things that are very relatable in these days of 2020.

One of the themes that runs through TLHT is friendship. Peri and Wink are very different and yet they are close. What difficulties come up because of their differences, and how do they resolve them?

I like to think of Peri as being a person who almost feels too deeply. She’s very driven by emotion, and by reaction. Wink, on the other hand, is more logical and serious–and maybe doesn’t allow for emotions as much as she should. This puts a communication barrier between them. Another thing putting a communication barrier between them is their different lifestyles, their different backgrounds. Peri is an only child whose parents often aren’t home. Wink comes from a large, loud family, where at least one parent is always present. It’s hard for them to understand each other because of these differences. But I actually think the biggest barrier between them is their terror of being hurt or of hurting each other. They begin learning to resolve the conflict as they discover more about themselves and the world around them. They learn to be open and honest with each other, and this certainly begins the work of breaking down walls.

If you could sit these two characters down and give them friendship advice, what would it be?

I would encourage them to continue being honest with each other, and to be intentional about talking to each other–but also to give each other space. It’s important to be able to exist both on your own and with others.

What does TLHT have to say about living in uncertain times?
A lot is uncertain in the world Peri and Wink find themselves in. I don’t want to go into detail because of spoilers, but I will say that things seem pretty strange and bleak for them. But they learn that they can be brave, that they can be strong–that they need to work together and remember the good. They learn to go bravely–but also to be bravely. To live life on a founding principle of braveness. They are not alone, and hope can still be found.

The Lightest, Heaviest Things is available on Amazon.

Weez also designed The Lightest, Heaviest Things merchandise. Stickers, pins, T-shirts, and more.

Read reviews of The Lightest, Heaviest Things from the 2020 blog tour:

The Lightest, Heaviest Things; a review

The Lightest, Heaviest Things by Weez Phillips – Book Review

Go Bravely

Welcoming The Lightest, Heaviest Things into the World

it’s beginning, it’s beginning, it’s beginning

because pop tarts from a gas station taste better than pop tarts from a grocery store

Weez Phillips is a Christian homeschooled student living with her family in the Deep South. If you ask her how she’s doing, she’s likely to cry a bit and then spout contradicting statements before wandering off in search of fruit (nature’s fast food).

Better Than Wishes

Are you feeling Corona weary these days?

I asked that question during Mug to Mug a few weeks ago, and I was met with a resounding YES!!!

These days I can relate to the moment in The Lord of the Rings when Frodo admitted to Gandalf “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

We could fill in Frodo’s statement with many, many things from our own lives, couldn’t we?

“I wish _______ had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.”

J.R.R. Tolkien began writing The Lord of the Rings during World War I. I can imagine that this thought came to mind as he crouched in trenches, fought, and lost friends in battles.

In fairy tales wishes are made and granted all the time. Sometimes the wishes have strings attached, or the things wished for aren’t really what is best. Characters in fairy tales, and people in real life, make wishes based on comfort level, and on what is seen.

Thankfully, we have something far better than wishes. We have God’s promises. God’s promises are made with the very best for us in mind and they take into account future events that we have no way of knowing.

So what do we do when our wishes don’t match with His promises? When the working out of His promises in our life doesn’t look anything like we thought it would?

We place our trust in the unchanging nature and character of God.

We seek out comfort and avoid conflict, but God often calls us into situations and places that are uncomfortable and filled with conflict. He brings us into places where all we can do is trust Him. Maybe He knows that in trusting Him, we will know Him more deeply. And that, besides seeing us face to face, is His heart’s desire.

Take a moment to read this beautiful description of the intersection between our wishes and His precious promises.

My Wishes and His Promises
God has promised me His eternal life, but not a long life.
God has promised me perfect health on the new earth, but not on this earth.
God has promised me His comfort, but not a life without pain.
God has promised me His righteousness, but not righteous people.
God has promised me His home in heaven, but not a house on earth.
God has promised me His wedding feast, but not a spouse.
God has promised me His joy, but not a life without sorrow.
God has promised me His justice, but not human justice.
God has promised me His power, but not a life without weakness.
God has promised me His sufficiency, but not a life with no needs.
God has promised me His wisdom, but not a life without questions.
God has promised me His guidance, but not a life without confusion.
God has promised me His victory, but not a life without conflict.
God has promised me His presence, but not a life without loneliness.
God has promised me His vengeance, but not a life without forgiving.
God has promised me His grace, but not a life without repentance.
God has promised me His blessing, but not a life without obedience.
God has promised me His reward, but not a life without a race.
God has promised me His love, but not a life without rejection.
God has promised me His peace, but not a life without turmoil.
God has promised me His faithfulness, but not a life without faith.
Peter Reid, General Director of Torchbearers International (Jan.2020)

Let’s Talk! Where you are hanging on more tightly to your wishes than to His promises? Are those the areas in your life you have trouble trusting God with?

What are your thoughts on this quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer ? “God sent His Son not to fulfill my wishes, but His promises.”

If you would like an artsy copy of “My Wishes and His Promises” click here to get one designed by @themakingsofjoy. Then run over to Instagram and see what else she does. She’s one talented lady!

Helping Others Fight for Hope

I am excited to have Stefani Carmichael as a guest today. Not only is Stefani is one of the Hope Warriors in my life, she is also a Hope Warrior in the lives of the teen girls that live in her dorm.

She is gifted at helping the girls see the lies that they are believing, and encouraging them to replace those lies with truth. For some of these girls, she is the first person in their lives to teach them how to fight for hope, especially when their circumstances feel hopeless.

Stefani also blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com , so be sure to jump over to her site and check it out.

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Helping Others Fight for Hope

What is harder than being in a black hole?

Harder than being in the middle of a fog in your life and not seeing your way out?

In my experience, the only thing harder than that is seeing those you love sink down into that pit and knowing you cannot pull them out.

Recognizing that you cannot pull someone out of the pit is really the first step of being able to help them. I learned this the hard way. If you will expend all your energy trying to pull them out, you might get pulled into it in the process.

At the same time, you can help someone who needs hope. You cannot force them to have hope. You can’t manhandle them into feeling better.

You can inspire, encourage, and support them in their fight. You are not Rocky Balboa, you are one of those in his corner.

I am approaching this topic with lessons I have learned through experience. In the process of gaining experience we often make mistakes along the way, and I certainly have. When I write about what not to do, it’s because I have probably done it at some point in my life. I hope anytime I have made mistakes in this area, that those battling with me will extend me grace and understand the heart I have had to help.

It would be incredibly difficult to help someone fight for hope if you have never been in a situation in which you felt hopeless. I imagine we have all been to that place, but if such a time doesn’t come to mind, you might first want to take a step back and remember.

When you remember the weight of your own battle, you will be better equipped to support someone in their own time of need.

This time of remembering prepares you to listen.

This sounds easy, but Iistening well is often the hardest part. When someone you love is in a pit, you want so much for them to be out and back to normal. You may be tempted to think you know what is wrong and just jump to solutions. Don’t.

You may even know what they need to do. You may even understand. But telling them is not going to get them where they need to be. Because someone who is hopeless is not going to automatically believe you know what you are talking about and can help them.

From their perspective, there is no way out.

From their perspective, things could probably not look any bleaker.

For them to listen to any suggestions or advice, they first have to know you understand the serious position they are in. You show them this by intently listening to them, rephrasing what they have said to make sure you really do understand.

This process is also essential, because you may not understand as much as you think you do. You may have experienced a similar situation, but that doesn’t mean that your pain is the same as their pain.

There is no timeline for how long you stay in this stage with someone. There may be a lot of listening involved with some people before they believe you understand.

It may take one conversation or several before you get to the point to move forward.

When you understand well, it is time to share. The point of sharing is not to say, “That’s nothing, look at all I have been through.” Its not to compare pain. If it comes off looking this way to the person who is struggling, it will do more harm than good.

The point of sharing is to let the other person know you also have suffered in your life, and while it may have been a very different situation, you found your way out of the suffering.

This is the point where you can begin to offer hope.

The hope comes in the message that if you walked through the blackness and found yourself back in the light, against all appearances, they also can find themselves in the light again.

This doesn’t have to come from just your story. The Bible is full of stories of those who were in seemingly hopeless situations, sometimes for a very long time, before God’s deliverance.

The stories of Abraham, Joseph, the Israelites in the wilderness, Ruth, Esther, Nehemiah, and countless others attest to incredibly bleak situations that did not remain bleak.

God’s word provides encouragement to those who are in the middle of dark places. These stories entailed long periods of difficulty and do not look anything like the band-aid fixes people often offer those in the middle of serious struggles.

People in the middle of difficulty don’t need to be led into a false hope that everything will change quickly. They need a surer hope that keeps them moving when they do not see the end of their struggle in sight.

They need the hope of a 75-year-old Abraham who still doesn’t have the child of promise and won’t for over 20 more years. They need the hope of Joseph whose troubles did not end with his promotion as a slave, or even when the chief cupbearer was restored to his position. They need the hope of Esther who saw a 360 degree change from complete despair to rejoicing overnight.

Point them to the Hope-Giver

All these stories offer hope because situations changed dramatically. Dark situations are so pivotal, because in the middle of them we can give ourselves over to despair if we let ourselves.

The stories above do not simply offer hope because they show that we might find our situation change if we just keep going. They offer hope because the people in these situations have a relationship with the Hope-Giver.

The God who we can trust, who has the power to change things for our good gives hope, because he is the only one who can really change our darkest situations.

At the beginning, I wrote how understanding that you can’t pull someone out of their dark pit is essential in offering hope. But, it is also essential to understand that God can.

God is fully able to change things. And he gives promises to do just that. When a fellow brother or sister in Christ is in the pit, you can offer hope-giving promises to them.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

This verse is used so much for a very good reason. It has inspired people in their darkest hours for centuries. If you love God, this verse is a message of hope for you. Its not a band-aid to stick on a problem. It shouldn’t be thrown to someone before you have sat with them in their grief. All of Romans 8 is an encouragement to those who suffer deeply. If you read it through in entirety you see in verse 38 that this promise meant for the most difficult of situations:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38

We are hearing this from a man who is currently under house arrest, has faced beatings and being pelted with stones. He has survived a shipwreck and has a perpetual “thorn in the flesh.” Paul knows suffering when he writes this.

Do something Tangible

God’s sovereignty is a huge comfort, but it is not an excuse for inaction. You know you can’t lift someone from their pit, but you can help.

The good Samaritan did not pass by, and if our heart is aligned with God’s heart, neither will we.

Pray and ask God to show you what you can do in the person’s situation. It may be as small as flowers, or as big as getting church leaders involved to help someone financially beyond what you are capable. Sometimes there are actions we can do to help another significantly in their distress. While you don’t want to enable destructive patterns, there is a time and place for significant help.

Tangible assistance can also be things that help with their mental battle—these things need not be physical. Perhaps they are believing lies that are destructive. Have them write them out on paper, and then work with them to change each lie to a true statement that offers hope.

Walk with them

Finally, stay in the picture. Hope warriors are in a battle. Don’t just show up for the first round of the fight, stick around to see the victory.

They may need help planning steps in the right direction. Have them write out their goals and see if there are proactive steps they can take now to move in that direction. Help them plan those steps in, and cheer for them when they get past an obstacle or do something that leads them in the right direction.

There will be days when they will struggle again. They will need fresh encouragement along the way. We are all works in progress, but thankfully God’s work in us will one day be complete.

Pray

Throughout the entire process, pray. God is the one who can change things. He is the one who can give hope. He is the one who can give wisdom both to you and to the one struggling. Cry out to him, and rely on the promises he gives to his children.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Stefani Carmichael is an author, counselor, wife, daughter, mom and houseparent of teenage girls. She blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com

When Nausea is a Good Thing

We’ve made it to the fifth (and final) area of our video series: Back to Badass: Living Life with Courage, Strength, and Resolve.

This area is Stepping Toward our Dreams. The action point for this area sounds pretty easy, Do one thing each day to step toward our dreams, but you and I both know that pursuing dreams involves overcoming fears, facing our insecurities, and our feelings of worth.

Not so easy.

We need courage, strength, and resolve to even start pursuing our dreams and these qualities actually increase as we pursue our dreams. It’s a wonderful cycle that helps us push past our comfort zones. You know, that place where things feel safe and comfortable and where you hear the whisper “that’s not for you. that’s for other people.”

I’m not against safe and comfortable by any means, but I’ve discovered that if I’m staying safe and comfortable out of fear… then it’s not a healthy place to be.

“If your dream doesn’t make you want to throw up, it just isn’t big enough.” When it comes to pursuing dreams nausea can be a good thing, especially when it’s accompanied by that “I was made for this!” feeling.

I’d love to know your thoughts on these quotes:

If your dream doesn’t make you want to throw up, it’s just not big enough.

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you aren’t.

As I pursue my dreams, I ‘ve discovered that I am my own roadblock 90% of the time. I think of all the reasons I can’t do something instead of asking “What would it take for this to happen?”

I am more likely to ask this when I am living with courage, strength, and resolve.

What about you? What would it take to step toward your dreams?

Resources:

Podcasts: Chalene Johnson, Lewis Howes, Michael Hyatt

Hopewriters – The community at hopewriters.com has changed my writing and inspired me to continuously step out of my comfort zone. Being a part of this community has helped me move forward in the writing side of writing and in the sometimes-scary tech side of writing. The low monthly fee is the best investment I’ve made toward my writing dreams. (The link on the sidebar of my blog is an affiliate link.)

Soul Care: The Heart of our Badass

Soul Care gets to the heart of who we are and what we believe. And it’s important, because we aren’t just bodies that need rest and food. We are whole people, made up of mind, body, and soul, and each part of us needs attention.

Soul Care is connected to our badass because what we believe guides the way we live. Without taking care of our souls, our badass becomes a blustery take-it-or-leave-it, I’m-on-my-own attitude. But it’s really hard to sustain courage, strength and resolve based on our own bluster.

When life takes the wind out of my sails and I’m left thinking Wait, what just happened here? the state of my soul guides my actions.

This subject takes some thinking over, especially if we aren’t used to paying attention to the care of our soul. To help with this, I’ve included the transcript of the video below the video.

I would love your feedback on this section of Back to Badass: Living Life with Courage, Strength, and Resolve.

In this series we’ve talked about taking care of our body through getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercise. The fourth area of getting back to badass focuses on taking care of our soul.

I have found in my journey that when I spend time learning about God and about His love for me, it helps me feel balanced, it fuels my fight for hope, and it gives me a foundation for my badass.

Fighting for hope is a trait we share across the globe and have shared through the centuries. No matter how dark our world gets people cling to hope.

I believe that we are drawn to hope, our hearts crave hope, because we were created by the God of hope. He made us for hope, He gave us the ability to hope, and He is the source of lasting hope. And lasting hope is what we need as we push against the darkness in our lives. Lasting hope is bigger than we are because it is grounded in God’s nature and character.

If He created us for hope, it makes sense to get to know Him and find out more about the hope He can give.

How does this connect with getting back to badass? Remember our definition: Badass is a feeling of courage, strength, and resolve. Soul care gives us a foundation for that feeling. Feelings change so easily and our circumstances can change in a heartbeat. And that makes it difficult to hold on to that feeling of courage, strength, and resolve. But the more I learn about God and His love for me – His love that never changes – it gives me steady footing.

If lasting hope is grounded in God’s nature and character, then we can experience this hope by getting to know Him. We come face to face with Him in His Word. Through the pages of the Bible we read what He says about who He is, who we are, and how much He wants to be in relationship with us.

In Soul care, two of the most important questions we can ask ourselves are:

How do I view God? and How do I believe God views me?

We live much of our live based on the answers to these questions.

For a large portion of my life I thought God was distant, disappointed in me, and loved me because He had to. I got the picture that Jesus was a reluctant Savior. As a result, I alternated between feeling like I could never measure up, so why try, and working hard doing good things to try to earn God’s love.

This yo-yo-ing back and forth was exhausting. I finally hit a point where I asked myself, Is what I believe about God accurate or am I just repeating what others have said through the years? So I started looking in the Bible for the words and phrases God uses to describe who He is, and the words and phrases He uses to describe what He thinks about me.

The Bible is more than a book. It is God’s words, saying this is Who I am, this is how much I love you, and this is what I’ve made you for.

And what I’ve found is that God loves me fiercely and wants His best for me. And, at the same time, sometimes His best comes through difficult times. But in those difficult times He is with me and He gives me the courage, strength, and resolve to keep going.

We tend to define God’s love based on our circumstances. If things are good, God must love me, if things are bad, He must be mad at me. But the difficult times are times when we can run toward God and toward His truth and find our courage, strength, and resolve in Him.

Badass rooted in God doesn’t waver with circumstance. Because He is steady, we can rest our feet firmly on Him. Because He is steady, we can believe beautiful truths like : I am loved because God loves me. I am not alone because God is with me. I have worth because God made me for purpose.

Finding my worth in Him gives me courage to do big, scary things. And when darkness does close in, having my hope in God gives me the resolve to keep on going.

Soul care helps us walk in courage, strength, and resolve in spite of our circumstances and in spite of how we might feel.

The Action Point for today is to answer those two important questions:

How do you view God and How you do believe He views you?

The answers to those questions really do shape our lives.

I would love to know your thoughts on soul care. Do you have books or resources that help you in this area?

I am so glad to be on this journey with you!

When Hope Is Tender

I have the privilege of working at French Camp Academy, a Christian home and boarding school tucked away on the Natchez Trace. My favorite part of working here is getting to know the students.

Our students typically come from difficult home situations. Many of them wrestle with the darkness in their stories, not wanting that darkness to become their identity. So fighting for hope happens here little by little, on a daily basis.

Kat is one of the students I’ve gotten to know this year. I am so proud of her for wanting to share a little of her story.When I read Kat’s words, I see a Hope Warrior being formed.

Hope. Most of the time we don’t think about that word. I had hope to be adopted. I had hope to be loved. Most of the time we hope to make an A or get that job. Sometimes we hope to make that team or get that car.

I had hoped God could change me. He sure did.

I was struggling at home. We were looking for a godly getaway. We found FCA. I hoped it would be good and It was! I love it there.

That is hope.

-Kat, 7th grade

Brokenness

I’m drinking out of my favorite mug today and being reminded of brokenness.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t happy when my mug broke, but now I love it because it reminds me that our brokenness doesn’t disqualify us from fighting for hope. In fact, fighting for hope in the midst of our brokenness is what makes us Hope Warriors.

Sometimes our brokenness helps us connect with others who are struggling.

Sometimes our brokenness reminds us of our need for God. Sometimes He brings beauty out of our brokenness.

But always, always, we can be awesome, broken, and brave.

Why Fight for Hope?

I was doing just fine until I read The Healing Path by Dan B. Allender.

Wait…that’s not true. At all.

I was running from my story, really. And this book said things that made me turn around, face my story and own it. In the midst of facing my story, this quote spilled across the pages:

Hope is by far one of the most dangerous commitments we make in life.

I’d never thought of hope as being dangerous.

I’m not really a fan of danger. I can’t even stand the suspense of hide and seek.

This video describes my reaction to danger.

Not brave, not courageous, just a total flip-out. You can ask my children. They love re-enacting times when I’ve completely lost it. It’s not enough to tell the story, they want others to fully experience it. They are true Southern storytellers.

But this quote makes me rethink my aversion to danger. This quote makes me feel a bit wild and unpredictable as I push against the darkness in my life and yell (or sometimes whisper) “You will not win!”

Why is fighting for hope important? Why would anyone step willingly into danger’s path?

Because we have worth.

Right now, as I write this and as you read this, these words are true: We have worth. You have worth. I have worth.

We are more than our abilities. We are more than our struggles. Our worth does not come from our looks or financial status. Our worth is not determined by a lack of looks or financial status, either.

We have worth because we were created by God, who calls us worthy, who breathes life into every soul, who calls us beloved and precious. We are not a random bunch of cells that happened to group together and form a person. We are loved tenderly by God, who also says that we are worth fighting for.

We are worth the fight.

Because we weren’t meant to live life numb.

During difficult times, my first response is to build a cocoon around my heart to keep from feeling the hurt. We all have ways to cope with the fact that life is messy, confusing, and unpredictable. We distract ourselves in video games, TV series, and books to keep from dealing with life. We over-do good things: stay too busy, eat and drink too much, or shop too much. We even turn to harmful things like drugs, porn, gambling, cutting, or purging to keep us preoccupied and numb. The list goes on and on and the end result is the same.

We are miserable because we weren’t made to live like this.

We were made to feel. We were made to fight for things that matter. We were made to live in this broken world, to walk through the difficult times without being hardened by them. It is through the battle that we develop perseverance, courage, and compassion.

We were made for hope.

Because no one else can fight in our shoes.

We live in a broken world with hopelessness crowding in at every turn. Our news feeds are filled with tragedy and sorrow. Despair is a normal response to what is going on around us, but I believe people are looking for a different response. When others see us facing the darkness in our lives and yelling (or even whispering) “You. Will. Not. Win.” they see that despair is not the only response.

I am convinced that God places us strategically in families, in friendships, in relationships, in communities. And these spaces need Hope Warriors. I look at my own marriage and our struggles, my kids and the things they face, and I know that God has placed me right here to fight for hope. The same is true for you, my friend.

Why fight for hope? Because the last chapter has not been written. As dark as things seem, God can and will work in the situations you and I are facing right now. And when we choose to fight for hope, we are participating in the bigger story He is writing in this day and time.

Fighting for hope is dangerous. It’s also contagious. Our lives, our stories – even the chapters we don’t like – impact those around us.

And the more I fight for hope, the more I suspect that there may be a badass deep down inside of me. One that doesn’t flip out at the first sign of danger, but one who owns her story with style.