grace – Page 3 – Erin Ulerich

Warriors Among Us

I recently had my first manicure-pedicure nail salon experience.

I climbed in the car, feeling pampered and refreshed. “I got to hear part of one lady’s story and we talked about God.” I told my husband. “I wonder if that is a typical nail salon experience.”

He started shaking his head before I finished my sentence. “Erin, nobody has experiences like yours.”

Stephen shakes his head at me. A lot. Even after being married to me for 23 years, there are many areas where he can’t figure out why I do the things I do. And talking to strangers is at the top of the list.

I talk to strangers. A lot. I tell my kids not to, but I am a total hypocrite when it comes to this.

Conversations with strangers are always, always interesting. One time I met a lady who told me about her former life hundreds of years ago. I live in the deep South, so I’d never met anyone who actually believed they were reincarnated. See? Interesting.

Now, there was that one conversation on the adult diaper aisle that was more interesting than I bargained for. I now avoid that aisle at all cost, and if I can’t, I definitely avoid making eye contact with anyone on that aisle.

I’ve made great friends by talking to strangers. I met my friend Kim at a writer’s group meeting over 20 years ago. She and I hit it off so well I took her home for supper and we’ve been friends ever since. She is one of the many Hope Warriors in my life.

I also once asked Maritza, who was a Kroger cashier at the time, to help me become more fluent in Spanish. She asked if I would help her children with English. Another friendship was born, along with some pretty humorous cross-cultural experiences. To this day Stephen does not trust me to translate anything in Spanish. Just because I might have tricked him into eating a cow tongue taco that one time.

We often underestimate the power of a smile or the timeliness of an encouraging word. I know their power because I have been blessed many times by the words of a total stranger. (Except for that diaper aisle convo.)

Days after my second miscarriage, the words of a stranger comforted me as I stood in the Walmart pharmacy. After 9 years of marriage, and years of waiting for a baby, I was absolutely heartbroken. This kind lady wasn’t afraid of the tears streaming down my face as she offered words of comfort and shared her own miscarriage experience with me. In those few moments she let me know I wasn’t alone.

A few years later my daughter had a seizure while we were shopping. A stranger prayed over her and stayed with me until the ambulance arrived.

One day at the eye doctor, one of the technicians began telling me about losing her father unexpectedly. Even as she spoke of her sorrow, her faith in God and in His care shone clearly. Within a few moments we were both praising God.

Then there was the lady in the grocery store who saw my numb, tired look as my kids ran in circles around my grocery cart. Anderson was holding a giant pack of toilet paper on his head pretending to be some kind of animal. She cautiously leaned toward me and said “It does get better.”

These interchanges happened in the middle of busy settings and some lasted only a few minutes. But they have been important over the course of my life. They happened because a stranger reached out of their world and entered mine for just a second to offer encouragement, comfort, or just plain kindness.

I have met so many hope warriors by talking to strangers. People who are fighting for hope, believing that things can change, and clinging to the God who holds them up. People who have encouraged me to trust God’s hand, who reminded me of God’s love toward me even when I’ve felt like I was sitting in the darkness.

Our hearts crave hope. We were made for hope because we were created by the God of hope. Sometimes we forget that, sometimes our hope wavers, and it takes the kindness of a stranger to remind us of the truth. And other times, we have the privilege of stretching out a hand to others to say “You are not alone. Hope is worth fighting for!”

Stephen was with me one day in Subway when a woman came up to me and said “You look like a person who prays. Will you pray for me? Everything in my life is going wrong.” She sat down with us for a few minutes. We listened to her story and offered her words of truth. I tried to remind her that her mistakes can be forgiven and that God’s grace offers each one of us another chance.

As she walked away, Stephen looked at me and, of course, shook his head. My sweet husband can keep shaking his head until all his hair turns grey. I’ll keep looking for Hope Warriors among us.

Have you ever been blessed by the words of a stranger? I’d love to hear about it!

Finding Hope in the Waiting (Part 2)

When we can’t see the end of the waiting, it is easy to lose hope. Finding Hope in the Waiting (Part 1) describes how God used a decade of waiting to draw me closer to Him.

During the waiting I was frustrated that God was making me wait. I let Him know just how frustrated I was, but I never took into account that He knows how hard waiting is. He knows because He also had to wait.

The first Christmas was the answer to a very long time of waiting on both sides of eternity. God’s people had been waiting for God to deliver them. And during all that time, He had been waiting too.

Throughout the Old Testament, His heart cry is repeated: “They shall be my people, and I will be their God.” And after all that waiting, at just the right time, He stepped into history. He stepped into our space and time, not to thunder from a mountain top, but to become one of us.

He came to deliver us, but also to be with us. To walk in this broken world, to feel the pull of sin, to feel every emotion we feel so that He can be with us in every way.

Why would He do this?

“Christ has put on our feelings along with our flesh, not only to show Himself to be truly man, but to be taught by that very experience how to help our miseries; and that, not because as Son of God He needed such instruction, but because only thus could we grasp the concern He has for our salvation. Whenever we are laboring under the infirmities of our flesh, let us bear in mind that the Son of God has experienced them too, to encourage us by His power in case we are overwhelmed by them.” (Calvin’s New Testament Commentaries, Hebrews and 1&2 Peter)

He did this to show us the depth of His love, grace, and mercy toward us. He walked in our shoes so that we would trust Him with our hearts.

This love, grace, and mercy is described in Hebrews 4:12-16.

^“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

After describing how nothing is hidden from God – not even the thoughts deep within our hearts that we would never bring to the light of day – in case we start to despair, the writer of Hebrews begins to describe how Jesus was tempted in every way as we are. He fought the battles waging inside of us – each one of us – and he WON! – not to gloat over us, but to say “I know the battle. Come closer and find your strength in Me. Come, and receive forgiveness. Take my hand and I will fill you with hope. Come to the throne of grace in your time of need, with confidence, to find help.”

What would our lives look like if we really believed that He is with us? If we felt His comforting arm around our shoulder when fear haunts us, when grief stalks us, when hopelessness threatens to drag us down?

Would things be different if we remembered that He also wrestled with fear, that He fought against grief, that He destroyed hopelessness so that we could too.

What if we cried out to Him and heard Him say, “I’m with you. We will walk through this together.” or “I created all that you see. I hold all things together. If I hold the molecules of your body together, I can work in the details of your life.”

And when we seek to know Jesus, we find it comforting that nothing is hidden from God, because it means that God knows everything about us. He ended the waiting time and became one of us so that we could know Him, too.

I Will Praise You In This Storm

God is with us. We are not alone.

Have You Been Introduced?

The way we meet God seems backwards to me.

We are introduced to God through someone else. It’s amazing that God trusts this introduction to us, especially when we are so likely to misrepresent Him. It’s really an important introduction.

Our introduction to God is important because the way we view God and the way we think He views us are important. What we believe about these two questions influence our life: “How do I view God?” and “How does God view me?” Our answer to these questions determine our reaction to God’s words of “I am with you.”

I know people who are convinced God is out to get them. I know others who keep God at a distance because they are sure He looks at them with a disappointed frown. These people might say that God is good, loving, and forgiving, but their life shows what they deep-down, really believe. They don’t draw comfort from God’s words of “I am with you” because they don’t believe that God is for them.

I don’t remember my very first introduction to God. I remember the Gideons coming to our school and handing out New Testaments, I remember going to church with my grandmothers when I was younger, and I remember Sunday School at their churches. I remember going to retreats and lock-ins with my friends at their churches. My mother took us to church when I was in middle school, which was the first taste I had of being part of a community. I have no doubt that the seed of faith was planted and watered in the midst of all of these memories. And I am sure that these experiences played a part in me seeking out a relationship with God when I was in the ninth grade.

But the most in-depth, real-life conversations I had about God was with my tennis partner, Nona. I was a new believer, hungry to know God, and Nona spent time talking with me, answering my questions, and pointing me back to Him. (Just in case you don’t remember high school, there are LOTS of things happening that can make you question God’s presence, His care, His involvement in our every-day circumstances. AP Biology is only one of those things.)

We talked after tennis practice, often until dark, and the sunsets over the cotton and soybean fields were spectacular. I realize that the sun sets every night, but it felt like God painted sunsets with especially vibrant colors on the nights we sat on the tennis courts talking about Him. It felt like He painted them just for us.

I am so thankful for the way I was introduced to God. Since then, there have been other people in my life who have presented God’s holiness in a way that communicated Him as stern and distant. They focused on our sinfulness and unworthiness without mentioning the abundance of His lavish love or the bridge of His amazing, life-giving grace. I realize now that this slant probably had more to do with their view of God and their life-story, but it made an impact on me as a new believer.

God gives us the great privilege of introducing others to Him. The best introduction points them to His Word, because that is the place where who God is can be clearly seen. He is holy, and we are sinful. That is true. He is also relentless in His love for us and in His mercy toward us. His Word is more than a book. It is God’s words of this is who I am, this is how much I love you, and this is what I’ve made you for.

We find life in the pages of His Word because we find Him.

God is With Us

God’s desire from the beginning has been fellowship. To be with us.

In the very beginning, God walked in the garden with Adam and Eve. When sin entered the world, that relationship was broken, but God’s desire did not change. Throughout the Old Testament, His heart cry is repeated: “They shall be my people, and I will be their God.”

And then He opened the folds of time and stepped into our world, as one of us. Jesus, Immanuel, which means God with us.

With us. Not watching from a distance. Not a kind, but powerless, force hovering around us. But walking among us, experiencing life in this broken world.

Through Jesus, God knows the pull of this world on our hearts. He knows what betrayal feels like. He knows what it is like to watch people you love make wrong choices and walk down destructive paths. His feet grew dusty, His heart weary. He felt the limitations of our human body.

Jesus lived the life we cannot live, perfectly obeying God’s law. Through His life, death on the cross, and resurrection, He calls us back into relationship with Him – the relationship we were originally made for.

When there was no way, God made a way. Immanuel, God with us.

And Jesus’ parting words were, “I am with you always..”

Then He sent His Spirit to be with us, His power inside us. Today, right now, He is with us. His relentless, loving devotion to His people has not changed.

We were not made to be alone, and He has not left us alone.

Linger in the beauty of this truth. Savor the sweetness. God is with us.

Knowing We Are Loved Makes Our Hearts Sing

This song makes me think of my grandmother and her battle with cancer. Mammie was a strong woman, but she suffered as the cancer spread through her body. We pleaded with God to spare her, to stop the pain. But He didn’t until the very end, when she finally stood before Him in heaven.

Mammie was a child of God. She was His. And He allowed her to suffer. I wrestled with this truth. And, for me, it finally came down to the truth that I know God loved my Mammie even more than I did. He was getting her heart and soul ready to spend eternity with Him and He would not let her suffer one second longer than necessary to accomplish that.

I don’t know what is involved in getting someone ready to go from this world into heaven. I can imagine that our grasp on this world is tighter than it needs to be.

I know that Mammie is singing with the angels and the saints around the throne, cancer-free and full of joy. And she’s not thinking of those last months on earth. At all. She was loved by the King then and she is loved by Him now.

His Face is Toward Us

When Anderson was in first grade he lied to his teacher. When he got home, we had a little talk.

“Each time you lie, you are putting a brick between you and Mrs. Henderson.” I told my little boy. “The more you lie, the more bricks pile up. At some point you won’t be able to see her any longer because the bricks will separate you.”

His lower lip trembled. “But I don’t want to be separate from her. How do I take the bricks away?”

“When you ask for forgiveness, the bricks will crumble.”

Anderson loved Mrs. Henderson. The next morning he asked for her forgiveness and stopped that brick wall from ever beginning.

There are also bricks that block us from a relationship with God. The bricks may be the thought that God will make us change, or that there will be no fun in life, or the idea that a relationship with God has too many rules to follow.

These bricks distract us from the real problem. Because even when God works in our heart to draw us toward Himself, we find that there is a stronger brick wall behind the bricks we’ve put up. God is on one side of the brick wall and we are on the other.

If this was the end of the story, this would be tragic. But stay with me, there is a larger story going on here.

This wall was put into place way back in Genesis, in the Garden of Eden. It was put there by the enemy to place a permanent wedge between God and His creation, to nullify His plans to love and to bless His creation.

The enemy laid the foundation for this wall by layering bricks of doubt, “Did God really say…”, and mistrust, “God knows that when you eat of it then you will be like Him”. If sin begins by our refusal to believe what is true about God, then this was the birthplace of every sin known to man.

But the enemy did not count on the mercy of God. The enemy had no way of knowing what God was willing to do to break through that wall of darkness, mistrust, and doubt. God tore down that wall through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Why would He do that?

Because of His great love for us. The love of God is shown in this, that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. While that wall was still there, before we ever searched for Him, He searched for us.

He did not create us to be alienated from Him. He made us for life with Him.

His kindness leads us to repentance. His kindness causes us to want change in our life.

His Face is toward us and all His Paths are steadfast love and faithfulness.

He answers our heart’s cry with gentleness and grace.

And he will disintegrate any layer of bricks to win your heart and mine. His love is just that great.

You are loved. You are loved!

Say it. Believe it. Live it.

Healing Begins

When we believe we are loved, we stop the endless striving – Striving to be good enough, striving to feel good enough, striving so others will think we are good.

When we believe we are loved, we stop doing good things to earn God’s love and we do good things in response to God’s love. And that’s when the healing begins.

Hope In the Pit

At one time or another, we’ve all been in the pit.

There are different ways we end up there, but the feelings are the same. Trapped. Helpless. Stuck.

Maybe you allowed your anger to run freely and the words flew out before you could stop them. You know there is no way to take them back or to undo the wounds you’ve caused.

Maybe you are 15, pregnant and unsure about what the future holds. You were just having fun. You never planned on this happening and now you are scared, alone, and afraid.

Shame runs over, hot and scalding, as you close the website. You know, the one you promised to never go to again. You mean it every time you promise, and yet, in a moment of weakness, you run back to the site and the allure of the pictures. You know you’ll never forget the images you’ve seen there and, to be honest, sometimes you call them up in your mind and feel the excitement all over again. But after the rush of excitement, overwhelming shame takes its place.

Is there a way out? Is there help for us, deep in the pit? Dare we even ask for help when, by our own choices and actions, we’ve dug the hole we are currently sitting in?

We know God is powerful and He can help us, but will He help us when we are the reason we are in the pit?

If He didn’t help, none of us would have hope. We would stay stuck and helpless forever.

He doesn’t just pick us out of the pit, dust us off, fluff our hair and tell us to get back to life, the way we might do to a child who has skinned their knee. God loves us too much to ignore the darkness inside of us that led us to the pit in the first place. He pours His love on us as he deals with us though a painful process that involves these steps: Confrontation. Confession. Repentance. Forgiveness. Through this process, He opens our eyes to the darkness inside our hearts, shows us our deep need of Him, and lavishly forgives us.

The life of David offers us an example of how God deals with us in the pit in 1 Samuel 11:2-12:24.

David was described as being a man after God’s own heart, and yet he dug himself into a deep, dark pit during the whole Bathsheba scandal. If you haven’t read it, the short version is that David saw Bathsheba’s beauty, slept with her, and had her husband (one of his own soldiers) killed in battle when she became pregnant. Then he brought her over to the palace to be his wife. The secrecy, deception, betrayal, and abuse of power here is horrendous.

And God saw every move David made.

Did God stop loving David? No. He loved him too much to let him keep these horrible actions hidden. He loved David enough to bring these actions into the light where they could be dealt with, where forgiveness could be given, and David’s relationship with God could be restored. He sent Nathan to confront David. And once David admitted to his wrong, the process continued.

The Psalms that David wrote during this time describe this progression.

In Psalm 38, David writes about the physical effects of his sin. He is overwhelmed by guilt and calls out to God for help.

Because of your wrath there is no health in my body;
there is no soundness in my bones because of my sin.
My guilt has overwhelmed me
like a burden too heavy to bear.

In Psalm 51, David calls out for God’s forgiveness. He asks to be cleansed and restored. He doesn’t make excuses for his actions. He owns up to them. This is repentance.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

In Psalm 103, David feels God’s forgiveness, and feels restored to fellowship with God. The whole tone of this Psalm is praise. David knows he has been forgiven.

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Just as God loved David too much to let his actions stay hidden, He will also bring our dark deeds into the light in order to get us out of the pit.

Confrontation. Confession. Repentance. Forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not erase the consequences of our actions. There is a sowing and reaping effect in our lives. If we do things that eat holes in our soul, then we will have a soul filled with holes and a distant relationship with God. Thankfully, our story does not end there. There is hope because there is grace. Beautiful, messy grace.

David received this messy grace. God named the consequences David would have to endure. “You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.” As a result of David’s actions, there was tragedy, humiliation, and shame in his family for years to come. Yet there were also blessings in David’s life. Messy grace.

We also have access to this messy grace.

God’s messy grace slides in and around the consequences and fills up the holes in our soul, breathing life in the midst of heartache.

Because of God’s messy grace we take steps to repair broken relationships.

Because of God’s messy grace we rejoice over a new life in spite of the circumstances.

Because of God’s messy grace we recognize our brokenness and seek help.

Because of God’s messy grace, there is hope, and a way out of the pit.

For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption.” Psalm 130:7